What are the last words of a person before death: an oncologist revealed four phrases
Every person's life is unique, but according to Pulitzer Prize-winning author and oncologist Siddhartha Mukherjee, most people say one of four common phrases on their deathbed.
According to Mukherjee, each of these phrases carries an important lesson for a full and successful life. He spoke about this during his commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania: "Every single person I've encountered in this moment of transition has wanted to share four things," CNBC writes.
According to the oncologist, a dying person often says the following phrases:
- I want to tell you that I love you.
- I want to tell you that I forgive you.
- Would you tell me that you love me?
- Would you forgive me?
Mukherjee explains that people who are aware of their impending death often express some variation of one of these four themes. This indicates that they regret not telling their loved ones about their feelings or not resolving interpersonal conflicts earlier.
In a blog post for the University of Virginia in 2022, neurobehavioral researcher J. Kim Penberthy wrote that pent-up resentment, unresolved guilt, and years of living in fear of being vulnerable can lead to remorse, stress, poor mental health, and even hormonal and immune imbalances that negatively impact personal and professional growth.
"Love and forgiveness, death and transition – waiting to express these feelings only postpones the inevitable," says Mukherjee. He urges young people to take this seriously: "You live in a world where love and forgiveness have become meaningless, outdated platitudes... These are words that people have learned to laugh at."
Coming to terms with the fact that you have hurt another person can be difficult. Social psychologist Richard Cowden of the Human Flourishing Program at the Harvard Institute for the Quantitative Social Sciences recommends four steps to forgiveness:
- Take responsibility for your actions.
- Allow yourself to feel negative emotions such as remorse and guilt.
- Apologize and try to make amends.
- Learn from the experience and move on.
"It can be uncomfortable to admit that you've done something wrong, and it's natural to try to protect your self-esteem by denying what happened or looking for excuses for your behavior," said Cowden.
"You may be surprised how much better you feel if you can go through the process of forgiving yourself.
You can also show your appreciation to people by using their "love language": take your partner's car to the car wash without being asked or surprise your mom with flowers. Have dinner with friends or give someone a hug. Just say "I love you" or "I appreciate you."
But Mukherjee warns that when using the words "love" and "forgiveness," it is important to do so sincerely.
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