Before you punish your child, ask him or her 3 questions: a life hack for trusting relationships
How to punish a child and still maintain a trusting relationship with him or her?
By the way, read to the end for an interesting test of your parenting skills.
So, before punishing your child, ask him or her:
1: "Do you understand what rule you just broke?"
You cannot punish for something you have not previously agreed upon. The punishment should not be done because you are emotionally tired, just because you can't stand the child's bad behavior anymore.
The child should understand that he or she is being punished not because the parent is in a bad mood, but because he or she has broken the previously established rules.
Question #2: "Do you understand why you need to follow that rule?"
Any rule that you try to get your child to follow must have a benefit for the child. He or she must understand that this rule exists not because the parents are arrogant, but because it is beneficial to him or her and will benefit him or her either now or later.
Question #3: "Do you remember what punishment we agreed on if you break this rule?"
If the child answers "yes," then at this point he or she will understand that the "repression" you are about to inflict is a consequence of his or her choice, not your desire to hurt him or her.
And this mechanism will help you not so much correct the child's behavior and maintain relationships with him or her as to teach him or her the strategic skill of cause and effect, which is critical for adult life.
Now the main thing:
If a child is unable to answer ALL three of these questions, then he or she should NOT be punished. And this is not his problem, but yours.
Either the rules are too complicated or incomprehensible.
Or there are too many of them.
Or you have not created a clear system of rules at all.
Or you did not help your child learn and memorize these rules.
What to do if the child is being naughty, saying "I don't know about any rules, I don't understand what you mean, it never happened" is a story for a separate topic.
And here is the promised test question: "What is the difference between punishment and harsh treatment of a child?" (think for yourself before you look at the answer)
Answer: during punishment, the child does NOT feel humiliated and offended.